happy four years, my love

four years. four whole years. it feels absolutely insane just to say that, to feel those words roll right off the tongue. the weight of them, all the love in the world behind them. the fact that it's been you and me against the world for one thousand, four hundred and sixty days. i know this isn't the anniversary we were expecting to have five months ago, but really, when would we not choose to be locked up in the house together, just the two of us? and i promise you, the second the world goes back to normal we are taking the most wonderful vacation of our lives. but it's all crazy to think about, yeah? how we went from talking about grease and me trying to deny that you were, indeed, always my favourite, to this life that we've built together today. our home, our lil animal family (and our future family family. hi celine, if you're reading this), our holidays, our routines that are the best part of all of my days. but even more, it's the way we've been able to grow, together.

now, back in the day you were always much bolder than i was, but i remember that tiny wall we had to crack down too. i remember how weary you were that people just wanted you for Who you were. in fact, i have such a weirdly good memory when it comes to you, and you specifically told me that behind all the lights and cameras, you were, in your words, "not that interesting." and once you said that, i knew the only thing i wanted to do was prove you wrong. if it was the last thing i did, you were gonna see that underneath everything, you're a kind, intelligent, funny, incredible human being. you've got all these little things that make you you. like the way you love whitney and celine dion with all of your heart. those cute baby voices you use when you're talking to lore. your constant stream of baby yoda memes (please send more). the fact that you're the hardest working person i've ever met in my entire life. and i don't know if you'll ever admit it, but i think i'm pretty close to reaching my goal. i'll tell you til i'm blue in the face, probably when we're sitting in our lil retirement home in our rocking chairs eating pudding, but the world is better with you in it. you're a genuinely good person, through and through, with an absolute heart of gold. i've never met anyone that cares and loves as deeply as you do. you spread so much love and light and happiness everywhere you go, and everyone should feel lucky to bask in that. i know i do.

and god, i could write a 700 page novel about how i've changed over the past four years, but we will stick to the abridged version!! we both know that i was completely lost. yeah, things were going great professionally and that was all i could have asked for back then, but everything else? a complete mess. living in airbnbs, alone, convinced that no one would ever love me, as dramatic as that probably seems now. but then there came you. this boy that appeared out of thin air, who literally fell into my lap and showed me that i was worth loving. it took me a long time to realise that, and i told myself throughout that first year that the universe was just playing some trick on me and i would wake up and it would turn out that this was all a dream. but that never happened. you just continued to envelope me in all of your love until i finally understood that i deserved it. and then there was this year, what i refer to as "troye vs his own brain 2020." you and i both remember how rough it was, how many times i came to you worried sick about the most minimal, dumb thing in the world. it took a while, but i finally was able to pull myself out of that hole. and i owe a lot of that to you. you never failed to be there whenever i was absolutely losing my mind. you helped me realise that i was strong enough to take control and turn things around for the better. we're a team, you and me. it's the way we can laugh and joke all day long but we can also drop everything the second we need each other. i've never experienced anything like it before we met, having someone's back as much as they have mine. an absolute best friend and a partner who's always there, no matter what. and i'll continue to be grateful for that, and you, for the rest of my days.

the past four years have done nothing but fill my heart with so much love. it's wild that i can just look over you doing the most mundane thing in the world, like folding the towels or doing the dishes, and those butterflies from four years ago still stir up in my stomach like it's the very first time. we've built the most incredible life together, and i always thank my lucky stars that you keep loving me as hard as you do. i can't wait to spend the next four, ten, twenty, forty more years with you, just like this, wrapped up in our own personal bubble for the rest of our lives. you've done more for me than i think you'll ever realise, and i cannot thank you enough for every moment. for always holding my hand and keeping me safe. for all of our silly inside jokes that we will probably still be laughing at when we're old. and for always making me so, so incredibly happy. you're everything, harry. i love you more than absolutely anything.

love, troye